What should I eat with that book?

The Book Club Companion, by Diana Loevy, contrives to help female book groups match their reading choices with the appropriate food, dress, and etiquette. A reader's list and questions, along with advice from a veternarian to control wayward pets during meetings are all helpfully provided.

All I can say is perhaps Ms. Loevy could connect with the folks behind the Voice imprint, thus not only selecting books for the overwhelmed amongst us, but also providing the ways we should think, feel, and respond to what we've read.

In the spirit of the niche/long tail movement, I propose the following books for the Voice/Loevy reading conglomerate, to be re-released with a Voice/Loevy imprint easily recognized by their target demographic:

1. The Piano Teacher, by Elfriede Jelinek.

Wear: drab skirts and tops.

Eat: Boudin Noirs

Smoke: Nothing. Instead, bring razors to nick oneself with.

Discussion Topics: The impossibly of reconciling art, a meaningful career, and a fufilling sex life whilst dealing with aging parents.

2. Cleaned Out, by Annie Ernaux
(A brutal recounting of a young woman's abortion)

Wear: French Schoolgirl's Uniform

Eat: Nothing.

Drink: nothing

Discussion Topics: Recall own abortions during college. Share with group. Cry collectively; practice effective listening skills learned during marriage counseling sessions.

3. Baise-Moi (Rape Me), by Virginie Despentes

Wear: Tight jeans

Eat: chocolate

Drink: beer

Smoke: hashish

Discussion Topics: the disaffection of today's youth, the negative effects of pornographic films on same. Share with group formerly secret urges to kill spouse and or boyfriends and how you avoided doing so.

4. Story of O., By Pauline Reage

Wear: Bondage gear; thigh-high stockings, heels, crotchless underwear

Eat: nothing

Drink: red wine

Smoke: Gauloises. Do not smoke them; rather, use to brand the woman beside you.

Discussion Topics: Violence against women, Caitlin Flanagan, The Duke Lacrosse incident.

Future books and topics for discussion:

--Jennifer Weiner on Anna Karenina

--Sandra Lee's cookbook oeuvre: Time saver or societal detriment?

Be sure to look for the Collected Works of Danielle Steel, a special edition limited release, bound by Prada in lizard green calfskin. Available in stores in October, just in time for the holidays!

Authors, Books, Satire